This page is primarily dedicated to participants who travelled to Poland this past summer 2010 so that they can reflect upon, question, review the powerful and evocative experiences of that trip. It is also a space in which others may pose questions to the participants.
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ReplyDeleteLooking back at my pictures makes it seem like yesterday. I still feel anger, depression and most of all very sensitive to what I saw and heard about the Holocaust. No one can ever tell me that the Holocaust never happened. At the concentration camps, there is so much evidence that proves the horrific events that took place in POLAND.
ReplyDeleteSad to say when I do look at my pictures, very few of them show me smiling. I was either crying or not happy. I took this trip very hard. When we visited the concentration camps I felt that the devil was once there. It was horrible. I remember that day it was very cold and miserable, which made it harder for me to absorb the information the tour guide was telling us.
Till this day, I've learned to have a more culture sensitive perspective towards any culture. I've learned to be more compassionate towards other cultures and understand them more. Reading stories like "Night" and "The Shawl" makes me understand that sometimes peoples' past shape us into the individuals we are today, and very few change. The ones that do change have the strength to move on and forget their past, leaving their past a rock in their chest that remains unhealed.
Overall, Poland was a beautiful country. The acres of farmland and local groceries stories was great. I believe this trip was well worth it!
The storm came that day.
ReplyDeleteMournful grey, painful stay.
One person knew it was here;
it was internal.
Rain, rain wash away the pain.
The rain poured out, and never stopped,
Saddened face,
none could trace.
The rain floods, floods, and floods her mind.
Rain, rain wash away her pain.
In hopes that her intentions would stay sane.
The rain was her tears.
Her memories were her fears.
No one knew she was here.
Basically this poem expresses how depressed I was to learn first hand about the Holocaust. The storm was my experience at the concentration camp and the cemeteries. The day in Aushwitz was very "grey" (cloudy) and the stay was very "painful".
ReplyDeleteWhen I say, "One person knew it was here; it was internal." Meaning... I felt that this overwhelming emotion was coming and it was like a storm and knew how I felt.
"Rain, rain wash away here pain" is expressing that it is okay to cry but it will help heal my pain. But, "The rain poured out, and never stopped" meaning that I could not stop crying. It "floods, floods, and floods her mind."
"In hopes that her intentions would stay sane" meaning that should I scream, throw something, break something or just sit there and cry.
" Her memories were her fears" were the readings I read in class and the movies we watched. Yes and those tears have finally healed.
I had a different experience than most of the participants. I was a lot less emotional or shaken by the scenes we viewed at Auschwitz, in the ghettos, or in the cemeteries. This is not to say I was desensitized from the experience as a whole, but my background lent me a certain way of coping with the experience that allowed me to override a lot of the emotion I may have otherwise outpoured, because I am an emotional person.
ReplyDeleteMy theory was that as a historian, I wasn't looking to ask why, I already had done so in the past. Rather than this I wanted to get past asking, and truly discover why and how, which requires one to lay aside emotion if they will accomplish this task faithfully, without bias. In other words, I had been exposed to the Holocaust as well as other genocides as a child, through movies and books. Leading up to this trip, my thoughts were driven toward discovering the true essence of how such a calculated, massively scaled horror, could befall the Jewish people, and of course so many others. In our travels, we found a lot of these answers by coming by the laws of the land at the time, as imposed by the occupying German authorities.
I do not wish to come across as one that only sees the Holocaust as a topic to be researched or further evaluated and that is all. Sure those preceding aspects of studying the Holocaust must continue to persist, but the Holocaust must be seen as much more than an intellectual curiosity. The Holocaust, and all genocides, must serve as a reminder to us all, that nobody is truly incapable of either taking the life of another when told to do so, or at least complacently standing around while others do so. This does not mean all will necessarily act one of these two ways. I simply mean to imply that it is not outside the boundaries of human nature to get to this point. Outside of how I may have experienced the Holocaust at the moment in Poland, this is what the Holocaust taught me, and I hope teaches others.
All sorts of thoughts and feelings pop into my head as I reflect on this summer’s experience in Poland and each time I try to write this reflection, I end up crying.
ReplyDeleteThe subject of the Holocaust is brought up many times in my Temple, my house, during school, etc. When picturing where these tragedies took place, my mind’s eye always disassociated them with a specific country. The camps, ghettos, mass graves, etc. were pictured as their own entity—not actually located in distant countries. It was a shock to physically stand at places that many people only can learn from printed and electronic media.
I am three-quarters Polish and lost over 45 family members to the Holocaust. It was a very special experience to walk around the streets of Krakow, where my maternal grandfather’s family lived and died, as well as visit one of the camps where my maternal grandmother’s family was taken and killed.
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ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteIt has taken me so long to reflect on Poland because the experience seems to unfathomable to put into words. I've never had and will never have another quite like it.
ReplyDeleteI can still picture the streets of Krakow vividly everytime I think back on the eye opening time that I had. The first think I noticed after I got off the plane and onto the bus that would take us to our student housing, was the barbed wire fences around the airport. Kind of a strange thing one would first notice, but keeping in mind what we were about to embark, everything in this country was a reminder of its dark, depressing history. The fences made me feel enclosed and claustrophic and suddenly a wave of darkness clouded my mind as we drove to the hotel. I'm sure I had a grim look on my face and for a split second I questioned what thing I had gotten my busy-body self into now.
Althogh anything but luxurious, the student hotel we stayed in for 2 weeks was definitely comfy. It was warm, dry, there was food, and plenty of room to keep our things. You really can't ask for much else, especially considering we had not come to Poland on vacation or to be average tourists. We were hoping to gain much more from our visit and that we did.
Even though CRAZY exhausted from traveling/the time change, we went out on our first full day there to see the castle, a magnificent sight. Even the air in Poland felt different, almost like you could feel and inhale the destruction, mouring, and death over the last 70 years. It was very chillly, not what I was used to being born and raised in Southern California and I can't recall many days I left our dwelling without a sweater or coat..., but back to that very first day.
Unfortunately we didn't have the privledge of our own private transportation (which is a blessing because I don't know how I feel about driving in Poland anyway) so we had to walk everywhere we went. This didn't bother or frustrate me although I did have some extremely sore feet at the end of each day. I wanted to take everything in, everything I possibly could. I don't think I had ever taken so many photographs in my enire life.
You could see the age in the city. The buildings were worn down, the streets hadn't been paved in some time, and I already mentioned the air. The only thing that seemed bountiful, boisterous, and lively aside from the locals was the growth of the trees, plans, and flowers. I had never green pastures, plantations, or fields before I went to Poland, even in the city. The park directly across the street from whee we stayed blinded me with its greenness.
I enjoyed seeing all the business and liquor stores (lol) on our way to the magnificent castle. I remember this day almost more vivid than any other in Krakow because my senses were truly receptive to all that I was seeing and feeling.
Everyone was tired and couldn't wait to go back to the hotel after we were finished with the castle. Years and years of history was cramed down my throat from our tour guide and I broke my sandle so I was definitely in the mood to get back as well.
I pride myself on my zealous attitude toward trying new things so I was more than happy to try and and all he food presented to us. I ate many Polish meals, although I couldn't tell you what my first one was.
(Sorry if my accounts are not exactly chronological, my memory has scattered and although I kept a journal of each day's events, it is not the same as actually living it day to day as I tell the account. I was too much in shock to be able to put into readable words what I felt and saw every single day while I was there)
ReplyDeleteLutotov was QUITE an experience. Right down to the lack of sleep the night before and some-2 hour bus ride on the way there. What is it like to be in a city that once beheld 80% of a Jewish community only to have them al perished in the war? Astounding, heartbreaking, and numbing.
The ceremony was beautiful and Dorothy couldn't have done a better job. I stood the entire ceremony, IN HEELS because I was also presenting someone's letter. I can't tell you how outraged it made me that my classmates had the audasticity to sit, WHERE THERE WERE NO CHAIRS, during a ceremony to commemorate a community now non-existent. My mood was melancholy and I was eagerly looking forward to speaking with some Polish survivors of the war. I cannot pronounce the name of the survivors I was honored to speak with, but he told a brave tale of his life before, during and after the war. We sat and had cookies with tea, one of my favorite pasttimes, so the mood was somewhat lightened. Anyway, I have his account on video and rather than speak on it I advise any and all interested to just listen to it. I would not be doing him justice to tell his story because no one cal tell it better than him.
It is a common misconception that the Holocaust only effected thoe who were sent to concentration/death camps (there IS a difference), but what about those who had to deal with the absense of a substantial part of their community. It obviously affected the economy, but mostly the moral of thosse who were helpless to stop all of the destruction, death, and deportation.
I remember being really irritated as we were leaving Lutotov because some of my Loyola counterparts felt as though they were at liberty to criticize any part of what they were experiencing. One of them even commented on how she was displeased with the type of soap the community center in Lutotov had in bathroom for Gods sake! There's no teaching respect to some people and it saddens me that it took all the way to Auschwitz fo them to finally get a freaking clue. I don't mean to point fingers, but there is much to be said about the difference in how both schools internalized the experience.
WHAT ABOUT WOOJ?! (Lodz)
the cemetary, ... lets just stop right there. I cemetary in Lodz that I will never be able to shae from my mind. For starters it was unkept. No one had cared for it for some time. Revealing of the prominance of the ewihs community prior the war, there were some enormous and extravagent gravestones. Likewise, there were some gravestones without even a single name to give notification of the person who was buried there. I unfortunately lost the footage that I took of myself while I was there. I was brought to agonizing tears. There were huge burial plots that some Jews had actually dug for themselves (unknowingly) with the approaching end of the war. STILL THERE, they're still there... words can't express my emotions there... I was at the point of breakdown and that was only the second or third day.
We also visited the station were a large population of Jews were deportred from Radegast. There was a type of memorial there and I was able to walk through thr tunnel were actual trains carrying deportees had passed. I had almost a second awakening
here, to the REAL Holocaust. Not that the one I read about in the books was somehow different from what I was experiencing now, but it WAS different because I was actually there. I cannot reiterate enough about the feeling of death all around me. Even at night, warm in my bed, I was sleeping wth the ghosts of the Holocaust and the ghosts of Poland.
ReplyDeleteWe went through and experienced too much for me to put as a comment on this blog, I think I have enough material to write a short book haha.
lets change the topic for a second, how about food?
Perogi!! Oh sweet perogi! we ate with some of the Polish students after we watched the film. It was my very first time having hot wine!! WHAT?! I know, crazy!! lol it was very rich as well as VERY hot, I burned my tongue.
The turkish influence over the country was undeniable with all of the kebob stands. lol they were some of my favorite prts of Poland. Michael and I went out on numerous nights in search of delicious midnight snack!!
Being just a few month shy of 21 at the time of our trip, I took full advantage of my legality to drink! lol I had such a great time exploring the country through it alcohol. Honestly and truly, I'm absolutely positive Poland has a very high if ot one of the highest alcoholic rate in the world. There were significantly more liquor stores and bars than any other estabishment. I had my first sec on the beach there.
I had the forune of meeting a sweet handsome gentleman, Tomak there, and he further helped me explore the city. We went to movies and dinners and numerous drinking sprees during my stay in Poland. He really showed me Krakow on the local level and thats when I really fell in love with this melancholy town. He took me to places I would have NEVER been able to experience with any tour guide or school group. We kissed in the rain, saw beautiful views, and had some of the most interesting drink you could ever think of. No one knows any city better than someone who has lived their all of or most of their life. lol his apartment was something out of an old movie. He explained to me that the creeky building was over 200 years old! the architecture and set up of the place was nothing like id ever seen. I would also like to include I had quite possibly the worst hangover EVER IN LIKE while I was there, thank God the next day was a free day. I didn't get very much sleep while I was there because I would do all of the group activities during the day and then stay out exploring, drinking, and partying with Tomak all night. Lol, needlesstosay I was quite exhausted everyday.
The film we viewed, POLIN, though a bit on the boring side, was highly informational and gave furhter insight to the country we inhabited... just had to toss that in there.
AUSCHWITZ, how can I even speak on it. Ive never wanted to go somewhere and leave it, simultaneously. The weather that day was perfectly fit to everyones mood. It was gloomy, raining, and absolutely freezing outside. The bus ride was up a winding road that seemed endless and the moment we arrived everyone was suddenly fearful of exiting the bus. I was so lost in my thoughts and the shock of ACTUALLY being there that I couldn't speak. ME! of all people couldn't speak! Krystal Brooks who ALWAYS as SOMETHING to say, it was just so crazy.
We first went through Auschwitz 1, which was built first before it was completely expanded to 2 and 3. Auschwitz 1 as were more of the administrative building were. It was housed the medical experimentations building were they did a lot of experiments on twins as well as the JAIL of Auschwitz. Yeah, a jail at a concentration camp. We even walked into a couple of the gas chambers and or guide told us about many babies were just simply tossed in to be put to death. I was so numbed by the experience that I had this melancholy yet calm look on my face. I didn't even know how to react. One of the building was purely for housing and it showed exactly the tytpes of bunks that prisoners were sleeping it. Rat invested with not enough room at all, they were cramped in these itty bitty places with hardely any room to breathe. I wept thrughout te tour, but I tried to hide my tears a bit in fear of completely losing my composure. Just walking on the cobblestones throughout the camp, it was ot difficult to invision the lives that people had spent here. there were ghosts all around me. I could feel them.
ReplyDeleteWhen they showed us where the prisons were, the guide told us about how one of the punishments for bad behavior was to STAND in this TINY cell, not more than a couple square feet ALL NIGHT and then work ALL DAY with the same thing at night time. No rest. People litereally died from complete exhaustion. I cannot even begin to tell you of the attrocities and different anecdotes she told us of. Each one brought me closer and closer to the Holocaust and to Auschwitz.
We then visited Auschwitz II, which was where the work camps were. They were seperated by gender and they were completely heartbreaking. We went into some of "buildings" if you can even call them that with their horrible structure. The latrines still smelled of urine and feces and I shudder to think at the number of dead bodies dragged across the floor that I was now walking on. It is so hard for me to speak on this because it was just tooo REAL. WaYYYYYY toooo realll. There had actually been people here. People ACTUALLY died here, right where I was standing, and where Dorothy was standing and where Nolan was standing... I'm crying now as I write this.. I must stop...
To say the least, it as completely and utterly disgusting. It was cruel and unusual and I hope every single person having anything to do with the type of evil that I felt there was damned God and welcomed by the Devil himself. The whole experience brought me closer to Judaism and I've even thought sereiously about converting.
After Auschwitz, coincidentally I had a date with Tomak, but I stayed to have dinner with everyone as well as drinks. How could we not have a shot or two after this horrible experience?! How could we not want to drown ourselves in anything to escape the pain??
We visited Madanek as well, a day or so later, a death camp. I make the distinction because people use them interchangeably. I concentration camp was where people lived and worked UNTIL they were finally killed. A death camp, however, was just that. A death camp. You were sent there to die and nothing else. I forget the actual time limit, but it was something like less than 12 hours that people stayed alive at Madanek. It was hear that I was actually abl to see upclose some of the ovens used to bur the bodies. like i said before, it was just wayy too reall. I felt like I was going to callapse at any moment because of all the pain and sorow I was feeling. I dont even know how my heart was able to take it. I was immensly depressed for the rest of the day and I still think about those oven to this day.
I dont have any family members that died in the Holocaust and I myself am not Jewish. However, I have taken a couple Jewish studies courses, as well as had a Jewish boyfriend, as well as work at a Jewish bakery, so I am immensed in the culture. I feel very close to it even though I myself am not directly a part of it. This trip to Poland only brought me closer and helped me realize the importance of learning about genocide, on all fronts. Having become part of my own identity, this experience really brought me closer as well to my own culture and my own painful history in the United States. Without watering down it seriousness, African Americans too experienced many of the same attrocities that the Jews did over a longer period of time and are stil feeling its socioeconmic strains as well as the NOT SO COLORBLIND society that we all live in. I wouldn't take back this trip for the world and I am so happy that I had the opprtunity to experience something so amazing and so magnificent. How many people can say that they have seen an felt the things that I have seen and felt? I was actually there. I WAS ACTUALLY THERE.
ReplyDeleteThat place where that man was hung, that place where those children were slaughtered, that building where so many people lost their innocent lives, I WAS THERE.
I didn't even talkabout the worst thing I saw of allll.
Th room of hair.
The room of human hair that the Nazis had shaved off all of the wome who had come into the camp. The mueseum at Auschwitz housed a few kilograms of it, there was an entire display of the hair collected that was used to make cloth. From the war however, hundred of kilograms were recovered. It made me skin crawl. I wanted to vomit, weep, and scream.
I cant put my experience of Poland into words. I can only attempt to try and experience what I felt and what I saw and somehow try to make make sense of it. I am not sure if I ever will ....
With that said, I am so thankful I was able to go on this fantastic trip. Even the plan ride was exciting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so thankful for all of the friends I met and our relationships I'm sure will be lasting. It also brought me closer to a wonderful woman, who is very inspirational to me, Dorothy Clark and it showed me that no matter how much you read i history books, you don't FULLY KNOW and UNDERSTAND exactly what you're reading until you've fully taken it in. My trip to Poland helped me do that.